While interacting, priority is to understand the other person. Priority is to have your point understood.
Habit 5 of the 7 Effective Habits: Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood.
See other people’s problems from their prospective. Don’t use active listening techniques in place of actually listening (aka empathic listening). We listen autobiographically, i.e. we put what we hear through our frame of reference, and it’s not how we should listen.
When listening, do not:
- Evaluate (pass judgement)
- Probe (ask questions pertaining to our frame of reference)
- Advise (based on our frame of reference)
- Interpret (again based on our frame of reference)
Realize when you’re using your frame of reference while listening, then stop and empathize.
Don’t listen only with the intent to reply. Also, when you do reply, be good at it. This is a bit of a “eat your cake and have it too” argument.